Tweets guaranteed to make you smile
*calls up pizza place*
WHY WOULD YOU CUT MY PIZZA SO UNEVEN? IF YOU'RE TRYING TO TEAR MY FAMILY APART IT'S WORKING
— Good Kyle (@KyleMcDowell86) February 6, 2014
Parmesan Sir?
"Yes please"
Say when.
*Grates Parmesan*
Sir?
"…"
*Grates fingers*
SIR?
"…"
*Grates entire hand*
Please…I have a family.— GoaT FacE (@EndhooS) July 8, 2014
please don't open up a new can of whoop ass when there is already an opened one in the refrigerator
— عيون الريم (@alrym03) May 7, 2014
COOKING HACK: if you put too much water in your rice, toss a few phones in there pic.twitter.com/hKNFpmfwAp
— Ben Cohen (@UniqueDude2) September 4, 2015
-The name's Bond. James Bond.
-I've written Bond now.
-Oh. Can you change it or is it too late?
-When your coffee's ready they'll call Bond— joe (@mutablejoe) July 4, 2014
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) November 30, 2013
What's a 27-letter word for "Corn"? pic.twitter.com/lAyu5kKAEC
— Aaron Fullerton (@AaronFullerton) August 22, 2014
That awkward moment when you try to start a food fight by throwing a sandwich but the guy just catches it and says "thanks for the sandwich"
— Dr. Tyler Lemco (@tlemco) December 19, 2012
Sex is like pizza, if you're going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you're doing
— mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) December 26, 2013
*approaches hot blonde at supermarket*
"Excuse me but has anyone ever told you that you're blocking the fucking Lunchables?"— matt (@shadygrenade) June 5, 2014
Oh r u still using handheld beans? pic.twitter.com/Fq5He2iCYD
— Molly Hodgdon (@Manglewood) January 4, 2015
Steps to survive on a dessert island:
1. check spelling
2. if correct, enjoy— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) February 4, 2015
My refrigerator just walked to my bedroom, opened the door, stood there and stared at me for five minutes, then it closed the door and left.
— Chez McCorvey (@CelebrityChez) July 24, 2012
waiter, there's a reflection of a sad and lonely man in my soup
— the garbage shit boy (@davedittell) March 11, 2014
If you are an aspiring journalist who is looking to get your work published on our Student Pocket Guide website, did you know you can create your own Author account? By doing so, you will be able to submit your own content for our approval. You’ll be able to create you own profile including links to your social media accounts, whilst writing a bit about yourself in the ‘about’ section.
Why not whilst you’re here, take a read of our digital magazine featuring some of the biggest names on the scene, with the chance to win exclusive prizes, redeem student discounts and what’s more, it’s free.
If you want to see more Student Pocket Guide content, you can follow our socials! We are on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Tiktok!