Top 9 Student Sayings | The Student Pocket Guide
by Allie-May Redmond

I had a little Google search for ‘student sayings’ and all I got back was boring, ‘inspirational’ quotes for students. You don’t want to read that, you want the funny stuff that your parents will never understand what it means. Sayings like these…

1. “Down it Fresher!”
One of the first things that you will hear during your Welcome Week at uni – you will get called ‘Fresher’. It’s like a rite of passage, a coming of age, an initiation. And it might involve a beer bong.

2. “Spillage is lickage!”
If you spill your drink in your first week or so, you probably won’t mind too much, you’ll just wipe it up and get on with it, not batting an eyelid. But when it’s near the end of term, you have no money and the loom of the holidays is coming towards you, every drop of alcohol is precious. It almost becomes a hostile situation if you spill someone else’s drink. Careful now.

3. “Eating’s cheating!”
This is a pretty unhealthy and unsafe student saying, not going to lie to you. You’ve got to applaud the money saving ethic that uni students adopt, right? Just don’t tell your mum.

4. “Mate, I haven’t got any money!”
This will happen to every single student. We have no idea how much life costs until we leave home. We think we do because we’ve bought a few KFCs and maybe a pair of our own jeans once or twice, but we don’t know what washing powder, milk, bread and kitchen cleaner costs. Genuinely not a clue until we get to uni and the value range becomes our very, very best friend.

5. “Do you reckon we could do this night on £10?”
This is, in my experience, more of a girl thing. Lads can go out at uni and spend £40-50 a night. Girls can go out and spend £5 on pre-drinks and £3-4 getting into the club, and a pound or more on taxi shares. I once did a night out on £7 including Chunky Chicken afterwards.

6. “Why is our floor so sticky?” This is a lie. We know exactly why our floor is so disgustingly sticky. Think friends, alcohol, dancing and Halloween costumes. You know you’ve had a proper student party when you lose your flip flop to the wrath of the sticky floor and end up with a dirty, sticky, grimey foot.

7. “How are we going to fix/clean that without Mr. Landlord finding out?”
Sometimes, you just have to own up and tell him that you’ve smashed the toilet. This isn’t an analogy. This actually happened in my house. But at other times, you will have to get a giant vat of bathroom cleaner and scrub all of that fake blood and body paint off the doorframes and walls.

8. “What shall we dress up as? We’ve already done Smurfs, Cowboys & Indians, 80s Wrestlers, Old Ladies, Onesies AND Pimps and Hoes, what is there left?!”
This one doesn’t really need any explanation. University students could become ideal party planners with their insane creativity when it comes to fancy dress and undeniable ability to invite people to events and sell tickets.

9. “I can live on £ (X amount of money) for a week right?”
Often heard when you’ve seen that top that you really, really love and you know all you’ve got is rice in the cupboard. You try to work out in your head what’s the littlest amount of money you’d have to live on to afford the top and still survive. Fashion wins, every time.

 

Allie-May Redmond is a fashion student, prime dresser-upper and excellent student budgeter who writes for the GKBC Writers Academy. She either knows someone who’s said the following funnies or she’s said them herself.