What Makes A Classy Guy by Jack Shannon
Wearing a five-day-old tee-shirt or a Kermit the Frog onesie because all of your other clothes are dirty is part of being a student. Never again will you not be judged for going to a supermarket at 2am in your pyjamas. Well, maybe a little.
But whether it’s for a first date, society Xmas party or the dreaded job interview, being able to smarten yourself up a bit will make you look a million times better. So your old friend The SPG has put together some top tips to make you go hobo-chic to super smooth smart casual sex machine in five minutes flat.
1) Get a shirt.
The easiest way to instantly look fancier than you actually are is to put on a collared shirt. It’s like an instant cheat code to go from casual to smart casual.
With shirts, go for something dark or with stripes. This will hide the fact that you haven’t ironed it. Shirts look best when ironed obviously, but if you actually bother to iron your clothes at university, then please look at yourself in the mirror and check that you haven’t accidentally changed into your mum.
To avoid having to do the ironing, try any of the following:
i) Hang the shirt in the bathroom and go for a REALLY steamy shower. To avoid the crippling hot water bill, try to do this at a friend’s house. Preferably while they are away.
ii) After washing, place on a radiator to let the creases fall out.
iii) Stick it under your mattress for a few days and hope the student accommodation mattress smells don’t rub off on it.
iv) Spray the living daylights out of it with Febreeze.
v) Cry until your mum/housemate does it.
Or get a non-iron shirt. Those things are the shiz.
2) Learn how a tie works.
Ties are what grown-ups wear to stop their heads from falling off. They are also a great way to look classy, IF done properly. Otherwise you just look like muppet.
Tie A Tie.net has some great advice on…well, tying a tie. What did you expect? For those of you who don’t know how, don’t worry, we’ll wait for you. The rest of you, feel free to read ahead.
i) Cheap and nasty ties look cheap and nasty. Save the polyester ties for minimum wage fast-food jobs. You can pick up a decent silk tie from any charity shop for less than the price of a half-pint (see below).
ii) Novelty ties are for your dad. A tie with “LOVE MACHINE” on it isn’t fooling anyone.
iii) In general, a tie should be a darker colour than your shirt. For black shirts, go with a bright, contrasting colour.
iv) Never mix spots and stripes. Unless you want to want to look like a 90’s game show host.
3) Charity shops are awesome. Go to them.
Especially if you live near a posh area, charity shops are full of little gems waiting to be found by the savvy student shopper.
Cheap silk ties are plentiful, and you can pick up a suit jacket for a song. Not literally of course. You will have to give them some money. After all, they can’t save the penguins on show tunes.
In general, you will look smarter in an older but better quality suit than in a shoddy brand new one. You might need to venture into a couple of them to find one in your exact size, but trust me it will be worth all the dirty looks the old ladies behind the counter give you when you get the right kind of dirty looks when you go out clubbing looking like a sex panther. One word of caution though. The fashions in charity shops are based on “what tat people have given us” rather than any sense of what’s “in”. So think about everything twice unless you want to go out clubbing looking like a space-age Victorian music hall performer. Actually, that sounds awesome. Do that.
You will look and feel younger and sexier after a good shave. If you have a beard, keep it trimmed. Cool hipster style beards are fine; looking like George R.R Martin is not.
5) Go easy on the cologne.
You are trying to look good, not choke everyone to death. A few squirts are fine. You do not need to spray yourself all over like a 13 year old who has just discovered Lynx.
6) Shoes. Wear them.
Right, we are on the home stretch! You have your shirt, a nice tie and a swinging suit jacket that only smells a little bit like wee. You’ve shaved and had ONE OR TWO squirts of Eau Du Handsome-Pants and you’re ready to go out…only to put on the same grubby trainers that only this morning you used to stamp to death the mould that grew out of that pizza behind the sofa.
Shoes are worth spending money on. At the risk of sounding like your granny, if you buy cheap you buy twice.
Gentlemen Prefer Brogues.com do great quality shoes from Chelsea boots, slip ons and brogues, these guys come with my personal recommendation. Prices start from £64 for TWO pairs, so get a black and a brown for a range of looks and occasions. Keep them polished and try not to play football in them.
7) The classiest thing you can be is yourself.
There is nothing that you can buy or wear that will make you a better person, but if you are confident and generally a nice person people will like you and treat you well. Whatever you wear, make it your own choice and style. Screw what other people think, wear and do what makes you happy.
Even if it is a Kermit the Frog Onesie.