Most clubs have one that one odd-ball, who are they? And who on earth let them in? These are all questions nobody can answer.
You know who I’m talking about, you were having the night of your life (or trying to) but that one dude kept following your group of mates around. Or even worse that interesting character chose to stare at you from across the room, monitoring your every move, disregarding all social etiquette and making you paranoid about the way you drink your £1 shot.
How do we get rid of them? Who knows!? But here are some ways to avoid that weirdo in the club.
1) Dance away from them – this one is a classic. When the club weirdo decides to dance along to the signature dance routine you crafted in your first year with all of your mates and you cannot possibly take the audacity any longer, throw in a running man and slowly move in the opposite direction.
2) Lead them to a different room and then lose them – it’s quite mean, but you could do it. This technique will work best in a busy and probably sweaty room.
3) Avoid all eye contact – this one can be quite difficult when ordering a drink at the bar, but by looking longingly in the distance, the little nincompoop may move onto another choice of prey (good for you, but not the other person). When staring off into the distance, try not to stare at a group of people as you may then turn into the club weirdo, and then it’s just a viscous circle of weird.
4) Do some insane dance moves, spin on your head and kick them in the head so that they would actually rather stay away from you (please don’t do this).
5) Go to the toilet and spend ages in there – this one is a no brainer, and you probably had to check your hair and spend £5 on a lollipop from the toilet attendant anyway right?
6) Play matchmaker– turn yourself into the Good Samaritan you were born to be and pair the club weirdo with another club weirdo, absolute genius! Everyone is a winner!
7) Befriend them – CURVE BALL, they might have lost their mates and just want a good time, I guess you could drop your ‘no new friends’ rule for one night right? You never know they might turn out to be your new bestie (Soz Dan).
Written by Hardeep Kaur @IamHKD