Online shopping is always something I naively look forward to. I imagine myself snuggly on the sofa, glass of Lambrini’s finest in hand, browsing through the finest garments the internet has to offer. The reality of online shopping however is usually incredibly stressful. Sometimes even more so than a Topshop sale on a Saturday afternoon (didn’t think I would ever say that). Here is why online shopping that makes me want to claw out my eyes.
1) When you click on something and it says ‘out of stock’
Why are you showing me then? Why on earth would you lure me in with the dress of my dreams then say ‘ha ha, just kidding! I’m not for sale! This is what you could of had if you had looked a little earlier.’ How cruel is that? The worst kind of trickery. You would never get that in a shop. You would never get phantom clothes that when you went to grab, they would proceed to disappear quicker than Leon Jackson from the X Factor.
2) When you buy something and then you get an email a few days later saying its ‘out of stock’
THIS IS EVEN WORSE. So you’ve liked something enough to buy it. You sifted through the 39283 tops currently on offer and settled on one. It took up a big chunk of your evening. You’ve asked for opinions from your group chat and you are satisfied with the response. You buy. You’ve decided how you’re gonna style it and how it will be perfect for Maddie’s leaving party. You have life sussed. THEN BAM, the top you have ordered and paid for is actually not in stock and you will get a refund? Oh righty then, thanks for crushing my dreams.
3) It looks 10/10 on the model and makes you look like a potato
It makes you wonder if these online websites have a team of photo editors who have a masters degree in Adobe Photoshop. You see the model wearing the dress looking bodacious and you know you won’t look that good in it. You still expect to look pretty hot though. When it arrives looking like a bin bag, with bits of diamante falling off, you feel conned. They must have perfected the angle, used a zillion safety pins and the Valencia filter, because no way does it look like that in your bedroom mirror. Sigh.
4) You spend ages picking out your shopping basket and it crashes so you’re left with nothing
It’s just annoying when websites crash. It’s 2015. People are inventing watches with computers in them and making 3D printers, when really they should focus on nailing the basics first. You spend ages building up a basket of dreams and then you click checkout. The ‘your basket is currently empty’ is looking at you smugly. Um no it’s not, because I spent the last 2 and a half hours filling you up with things I would like to spend my hard-earned money on. The real life equivalent would be someone snatching your basket off of you in H&M and pushing you to the floor. No fun at all really.
5) There is too much choice it would take you till your mid 30’s to browse everything
Too much choice can be a bad thing. I personally hate it and it makes me go a little bit loopy. Whenever I am in Sainsburys and there are too many sandwiches to pick from, the choice is so overwhelming I leave empty handed and end up nearly starving to death. Do we really need SO many options. If you want a top from Asos, there is a eye watering 11,801 to look through. Who has the time/patience/strength for that?! How is there even 11,000 combinations of different tops? By the time I reach page 16 I give up and vow to go to the real shops instead.