First dates. Yes, some can lead to a beautifully exquisite and breathtakingly magical love that would even put Shakespeare’s’ finest prose firmly into the bin. However, that rarely happens. Beautiful love usually only happens to Cinderella, Rapunzel and that b*tch Isabelle who has everything.
Dates for most of us end up us having to listen to the other drivel on about their office job/football scores/ex, while we are left trying to formulate an excuse on how to leave Nandos as quickly as humanly possible.
Or wait for your best friend to ring you after you texted the code word.
You pleaded earlier, ‘If I text you the word ‘cabbages’, ring me ASAP. Say that you have an urgent boyfriend problem, so I can leave and ‘help’ you’ She agrees of course. She knows full well what dating is like.
However, disaster date is here and it’s been a long and very excruciating 40 mins since you text the word ‘cabbage’. Your only choice now is to 1) get very drunk 2) to excuse yourself to the ladies and clamber out the window or 3) feign heartattack.
The great thing about dating disasters is that they make fantastic stories and cheer other people up a little bit. Therefore, to cheer you all up and make your days a little more sunny, I have asked some of my friends to reveal their worst dates ever.
I went on a date with this boy to a gig. So far so good. However, he made me leave five minutes early meaning I missed the end. Why? So I could help him hand out flyers for a different music venue. It was tragic.
Once I was on a dinner date and his mum had to come in half way through our main to give him £20 because he didn’t have enough money in his bank account…
I agreed to go on a date with someone I had only met when drunk. We agreed to meet at Prezzos. I arrived and saw someone outside who looked like my date and started chatting to him… and then my actual date turned up. It was so awkward.
A guy took me to see The Conjuring at the cinema for our first date. I swear to god he was SO scared that there were tears in his eyes. I didn’t know what to say.
My first date with a guy I met on Tinder was going well. Suddenly, he asked me if I had ever had my heart broken. I hadn’t, but it turns out he had… our date turned into a therapy session. The rest of the evening was him asking for advice on how to get over his ex. She had only broken up with him the week before. At one point, he even showed me her selfies. Worst. Date. Ever.
Mildred (There is always one who wants a fake name) –
A guy I met at a party, a few weeks later, pretended to be stranded near my house. Being the nice person I am, I agreed to go for a walk with him along the beach and he turned out to be the most boring person on the planet. So I declined his ice cream offer and had to snapchat my friends to help me #sos.
Once a guy turned up for our date in white combat ¾ length trousers. Oh and another one told me mid-sex that he was engaged…
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