A 16 year old from Middlesbrough has been given a brutally honest assessment of her skills and abilities in a CV written by her dad.
Most of us will use our CVs to highlight our strengths, our achievements and our abilities, but Lauren Moore’s dad took a completely different approach.
Starting with her predicted grades from Rye Hills School, two of which were marked as FAIL, Ian Moore continues to list Lauren’s attributes and experience for prospective employers.
Her work experience has seen her fulfil duties such as “getting on my father’s tits” and “fucking everything up“. Her skills and personal qualities include “lazy“, “late” and “COULDNT’ GIVE A FUCK” and her interests are listed as “Fuck all“. Her referee is “probation officer” Ben Dover.
— LADbible (@ladbible) August 21, 2018
Of course this is taking things to the extreme. However, there are a few things you shouldn’t put on your CV if you want to even be considered for a job. It’s OK to make it stand out, but for the right reasons. Here’s our top 10 guide of what not to put on your CV.
Applying for a job you’re not qualified for
No matter how appealing the job sounds, if you’re not capable or qualified, don’t apply. You’ll be wasting your time, and that of the recruiters. It’ll also save you the heartache of being rejected. Read all the information you can about the role and then tailor your CV to match its requirements, but if it’s not something you can genuinely do, don’t bother.
Gaps in employment
Most gaps in your CV will be as a result of your studies, but a note for the future – you’ll need to be able to explain any gaps as holes make recruiters nervous.
Lying or misleading information
There’s this little thing called background checks – most employers do them before you join – don’t lie, because you’ll get caught out. Even if you get past Day 1, you risk being exposed as a fraud.
No matter how proud you are of your impressions or street dancing, unless you’re applying for a job in a circus, no one will be too bothered that you can juggle shoes or fart happy birthday. Leave your party tricks for the parties. And adding vital statistics to your CV won’t sway a recruiter either (although you could end up with a date). If it’s relevant to the job, include it. If it’s not, don’t.
Spelling errors, typos and poor grammar
You’d think it wouldn’t need saying, but it does. Use spell check.
Badly formatted CV
Keep it simple, smart and sophisticated.
- Two sides of A4
- No more
- Use bullets
Be factual and be succinct. Introduce yourself in a few words that encapsulate who you are and what you do. It’s the headline to your CV.
Burying important information
Don’t be afraid to put your best bits front and centre. Include a short section at the beginning that is designed to impress: make your intro easy to understand and compelling. It’s your foot in the door.
Even if your content looks good, it has to stand up to interrogation. And so do you. Your CV is only the beginning of the process, so attitude counts as much as aptitude.
Taking the time to answer and address all the questions are requirements of a job application shows you are truly interested in the job and respect the process and the recruiter.
It’s attitude like that, that will see you go far in life.