I spent a few months as a HR intern helping to go through graduate CVs and hire a fresh bunch of graduates for telesales. The results were a mixed bag, put it like that.

So anyway, without further ado here are my twelve favourite quotes placing them in my list of the worst graduate CVs from my time there. Dates have been omitted and names changed because come on, I’m not that cruel.

“I have a great attention to detail.” -Brian
This would perhaps have been more convincing if Brian didn’t have 9 spelling mistakes in his covering letter.

“Always punctual with superb timekeeping.” -Jessica
“Jessica” was half an hour late for her interview. But don’t worry, she had a good excuse. Her housemate was upset so she was cooking her pancakes to cheer her up and lost track of time.

“A professional and well-presented young graduate looking to move into media.” -Ibrahim
He turned up wearing gym gear and was annoyed when I asked him to take his headphones out.

“I am looking for an exciting job.” -Maggie
This wouldn’t be a bad thing to put on a CV, if it wasn’t the WHOLE CV. Seriously, seven words not including her email address.

“Personal interests include viewing documentaries about the economics of different countries and their financial position.” -Joshua
SUUUUURRRE YOU DO. Right alongside “Socialising with friends” and “watching volleyball”, I’m sure you managed to squeeze in a quick bit of Panorama.

“Just to let you know, I don’t want this job, but I am applying because my dad is making me.” – Simon
Shockingly, I genuinely had to argue with the HR manager that we should NOT invite Simon to an interview.

“My best quality is that I always give 110%, 100% of the time.”  – Claire
I just OD’d on cliché from reading this line.

“I’m looking at using this role to act as a springboard. I fully expect to be made CEO within a year.” – Hannah

“One of my biggest achievements was arriving into work every day, despite the unreasonable manager I had.” -Grahame
Wait, so the best thing you achieved was actually turning up to work?

“I possess incredible leadership skills and inspire everyone around me.” -Adam
Unless you’re Captain America, I would quite like some evidence to back up that claim there skippy.

“Honest, I’m not afraid to speak my mind. If you’re wrong then I’ll tell you.” – Sarah
Oh will you now?

“My number 1 priority will be my music/acting career, so I will expect any employer to respect that.” – Emma

CUT! And that’s a wrap.

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Worst Graduate CVs By Lucy Drinkwater