Everyone deserves to have their boundaries respected, especially when it comes to sexual encounters. Telling someone no to sex should be as easy as, well, telling them no. But it’s not always that simple; talking about what you like and don’t like in the bedroom can be uncomfortable, but it’s an important aspect of a healthy relationship.
It seems like everyone is having sex, which can make anyone feel pressured into having it themselves. But, regardless of whether you’ve already had it, never had it, are single, or in a committed relationship – you should never feel pressured into sex. It all really comes down to one vital point; consent. Sex isn’t sex without it, infact, it’s a serious crime. And guilting and manipulating someone into it is shameful.
You have the right to say no to it at any time, before or during, to anyone, for any reason, and a sexual partner should respect that decision. If you find that your partner pressures and threatens the relationship when you say no, you could be in a very unhealthy relationship; no one is entitled to someone else’s body.
So how do you say no to sex?
Saying to no someone you care about is difficult, but they should always respect your decision and remember that you’re saying no to sexual activity, not no to them.
- Understand what you want and try to be confident about it; this means you should spend some time thinking about why you want to wait should your partner question your decision. But at the end of the day, no still means no – regardless of the reason.
- Realise that you don’t owe anyone an explanation for saying no. Including your partner. So don’t feel like you should have to explain yourself for the decision you’ve made.
- Communicate with your sexual partner; this means telling them what you do and don’t want. Set boundaries for what you’re comfortable with, and make it clear you want nothing more than that.
- It can be really hard to come across serious when talking about something as taboo as sex, but there’s nothing more serious than consent. Be direct, look them in the eye and be serious in your tone of voice. Make sure they truly understand you.
- Like we said, you don’t owe anyone an explanation, but if it makes you feel better about saying no, you can remind your partner that you really love or like them, but you’re simply not ready to take it to the next stage just yet. And remember, not being in “the mood” is a perfect reason for not wanting sex too!
If you’d like more information on safe sex, click here.